Up In Smoke

It is uncomfortable but not unbearable.  I am agreeing to be in the space of withdrawal.  I am not focusing on the outcome I am instead being in the moment. I used the portal from yesterday's alignment to release my 35 year addiction to nicotine.

A Two Year Old's Birthday and an Old Woman's Funeral

I went to a funeral this morning. I drove into the city and went to the funeral of my mother's best friend. I went to a birthday party this afternoon. I drove back from the city and went to the birthday party of my grandson. Now I am home thinking of how to make this life of mine a joy, an offering, a symphony, a manifesto, a story, a poem, a gift...I googled pictures of life and death and came across this video. Its 40 seconds long and the main thing I found after viewing it several times is this-
All that I've been and all that I'll be, pales in comparison to this very moment. My fingers pressing keys on a board moving the invisible to visibility, thought to word, feeling to expression is the best of who I am right now. And it is enough

Murky Waters

All these planets in water, the heavy deep full moon, Neptune Rules Still...My dream last night could only have come from the deep... my mysterious primordial portion of the collective psyche.

The heaviness of the day, the rain, the dream, messengers all.

 I am cloaked in murky water. I am strong and I am capable of delving deeper into the dark than I have wanted to believe. Somehow knowing there is power here from which I shall not run. 

The courage to be, see and set free

If I were a biographer I would write of Winnie Mandela...let her courage, commitment and passion not be lost and as you think of Winnie conjure up the visions of other great womyn of courage passion and abundant generosity...including your mother, my mother and her mother and their mothers. This will infuse you with the energy of the current and coming alignments...but you already intuit, sense and know this deep in your being don't you

 

Hollercry

It was a routine task, making myself a late afternoon cup of tea. I'm not sure what hit me but when it did I hollercried. You know what hollercry is, right? Its when something strikes you as a realization that you are somewhere you once believed was impossible and you feel both the feeling of when you felt it was impossible and the feeling of enjoying it at the same time. It makes you hollercry and you hold your hands up because you feel held up by the enormity of your ability to survive and you turn right to left then left to right because you have lost your sense of direction, time and place. The holler helps you ground and the tears, well the tears keep the miracles moist. The video above is from the last eclipse series but I bet you can find something here that may even make you hollercry.

Full Moon Promises

A Note To Self

1. You can't burn out if you've never been on fire
2. Anything we love can be saved
3. Lift every voice and sing
4. Life is a song worth singing
5. You can't keep a good womyn down
6. Night Owl Power

Its A Tough Job But...

Well I can sense an ending to my travails at least for this initiation...It was revealing and difficult and appropriate.  In my discernment of others deceptive expressions I also saw my own. In my need to have others treat me a certain way I also saw my own self neglect. Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all and sometimes the last one you find. Perhaps that's what makes it so great it is hard won and deeply deserved.

I'm Fine As Long As I Don't Speak To Anyone

And so the day ends with a long salt sage milk bath and a bit of peace. Not that I didn't lose my temper-I did. But I found it quickly and put it back in the box. Even with the slip I feel wider and more sure than ever this cycle that  All is well and well indeed.

Poetry Trees and Me

MARY OLIVER
The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice----though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible.
It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones.
But little by little, as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world
determined to do
the only thing you could do----determined to save
the only life you could save.

Hello Anybody Out There?

I, try as I might, am unable to escape this energy. I keep bumping into misunderstandings, folk pushing past the boundaries,  and my own natural inclination to express myself. Be still I say to myself for the fourth time today. This is a double Leo's prison. Well at least I'm wearing bright orange. Roar

Ohhh now I get it!

Struggling with Neptune dancing with Neptune I have finally figured it out I'm parked in the driveway of the South Suburban Council on Alcoholism and substance abuse. It is Bridge today and that's when former treatment residents come to speak to current treatment residents and so I am finally at home with Neptune. Peace Be Still.

If not for the music

Brought to quiet and a milk and salt bath by the sleights of hand, lethargic excuses, and reruns of sad ass stories that have lost their sadness.
Day 2 Neptune Rules :{
I'm thinking Bobby Blue Bland

I guess I'll make love under this Grand Ole Trine

Good Morning!! Don't get used to it though, I rarely do much morningspeak. But last night I spent some time soaking in the vibrations of the beautiful waxing moon. Feeling the nuances of the Grand Trine and what it meant to me. And I can truly say it has meant deep sleep for which I am deeply grateful. Sleep can be hard to come by most nights and when it does it comes like a thief in the temple. Yes yes my friends I have been shot by Prince's arrow of musicology. Didn't ask for it but there it is....

Overwhelming not so much more like innerwhelming. The planetery alignment forms a triangle but I am standing squarely in my own re-alignment. Not too concerned with babble, baubles or even babies (3 grandkids). I vaguely remember feeling this way years ago. Perhaps it was in 2001-02 when the heavens were in similar formation. It was Macy Gray's CD "On How Life Is" and Caligula was driving me to distraction no partner needed. Not so lower third this time. Vision, Voice, Wisdom and Confidence seem to have replaced the final four of the last decade, Reputation, Power, Money, and Sex. But even though the theme has change the sensual experience of my shift has not-I can hear my soul sing Until The End Of Time I'll Be There For You and my spirit croons You Don't Have To Be Beautiful To Turn Me On

It feels good, yeah

Friends Followers or Like Minded Souls

Facebook is cool I really like Facebook but it has occurred to me under this Grand Trine that the time has come to create my own space. 
To plant myself, set down roots and grow. 
So this is it. Welcome To Bevworld.
Its what I think, what I've learned, uncovered, studied, believed, found out, overheard, created, its my stuff. Might be yours too...stick around some say I change like the wind I just think its takes several personalities to express myself. stopping by hope you stop through again sometime.